just a tad bit anxious...

the other day i realized that it's almost time for me to leave for africa and i kinda let myself freak out a little bit. right now the countdown is at 17 days which seems like a lot of time--but i feel like i still have so much to do and so much to get ready...

so, anxious is the word i use to describe how i've been feeling, that irritating tugging feeling on my heart. okay it's only half irritating. i've also been feeling the good kind of anxious--like i can't wait to be in tanzania/kenya!!

i love the word anxious for it's duality! yeah, i love words and yes, i'm aware that i'm a nerd. so, of course, i had to do a little "research" into the definition by taking a trip to dictionary.com. :) we all know it's basic 2-prong definition: 1: uneasiness because of fear or danger or misfortune, greatly worried...2: earnestly desirous; eager. BUT what i found out about it's origins was most interesting! it comes from the latin anxius (worried, distressed) which is a derivitive of angere--to STRANGLE, pain, or distress.

i'm sure by now you're wondering why i have gotten so excited about the fact that it derives from a verb which means to strangle. my anxiety lately has been strangling God, His power and His ability to work in my life!!! what an idiot i have been. my anxiety mainly stems from the fact that i leave in 17 days and still have about $1000 to raise for this trip to be a possibility! i also have a few bills i need to figure out how to pay while i am gone and have an expensive dental appointment to take care of--and just the normal getting everything together/packing/spending time with those i love, blah blah blah. i have been telling myself that it will all be fine, don't worry about it, nicole. put it all in God's hands and pray, pray, pray... i have been praying but i don't know how faithful i have been in giving it to God and completely giving it to God, thus relinquishing my anxiety. i don't want to strangle or choke God, i want Him to blow me away with His providence, peace, and power. why is it so hard for us to just rest in God's hands? i want to be dependent on God and NOT on myself and what i think i can do!!

right now, as i type, i am relinquishing my anxiety--casting my cares upon Him!!!!!!!! i know this is where God wants me to be and HE will get me there even if it's not clear cut to me, i have to trust Him..fully. He will give me peace!

so i will pray pray pray and trust and NOT be anxious and would ask for you to do the same!!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~philippians 4: 6-7~