I woke up this morning...late. I had slept through all 3 of my alarms and for a minute almost didn't get out of bed. Church begins at 9:45 and it was already 9:10, I didn't sleep terribly great and part of me just wanted to return to my dreams, but I remembered that it is advent and didn't really want to miss it. So, I left the warmth of my bed and made my way into the freezing temperatures of my house to shower and get dressed. While in the shower, I sadly was weighing the pros and cons of going to church, even though I was already in the process of getting ready.
I love advent, well, I love the church, but the Christmas season can sometimes be bittersweet for me. I don't enjoy going to church alone, and this time of year pronounces the fact that I do attend by myself. I have always wanted to read the advent litany and light the candles during the services, but unfortunately, churches only seem to select families to perform this task and my family doesn't attend, and to top it off I am single. It's always sometimes awkward for me entering the church, and my first instinct is to try and find someone to sit with so I'm not the "loser" sitting by herself. Typically, it's with a friend and/or their family, and it's hard not to feel like the "plus one" of the group. I know these thoughts/feelings are ridiculous, but I still feel them.
I continued getting ready (yes, I got in the shower at 9:10 and made it to church by 9:40!!), and thought to myself "this is not about me." It's not about me feeling alone, it doesn't matter, worship is done corporately, but it is also individual. Me going to church is not about whether I will have to sit alone or be a "plus one," it's about worshiping my God! I got in my car and the first song on the radio had this line in the chorus, "I don't want to be alone..." hmm. odd, i was just thinking the same thing. God has funny ways of reminding us that we in fact aren't alone. I don't know so much that I was feeling alone, it was more like lonely. I am never alone, ever, even it feels that way.
I arrived at church just in time to greet a few folks and scout out a seat. I did decide to sit alone and worshiping was wonderful, why did I even entertain the idea of sleeping!? When it came time to do the advent litany, I watched as one of my friends' family took the stage, there were four generations represented, and ages ranged from 2 to 90. It was beautiful, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. That is when it hit me, I should never feel alone, especially during advent!! It is, after all, the story of the collision of the divine and humanity! God sent His Son to literally be with us (Emmanuel=God with us), and after Jesus left this world, he gave us His Spirit to dwell within us, literally. I am never alone. You are never alone. We are never alone.
