"ordinary radical" in africa

Diving Back In...

2011-07-18T22:38:00.000-05:00

I have been absent for far too long...
I want to start writing again, but where to start....
anywhere, i guess...just dive in, right?

bear with me as i share some random things from my life lately:

1. I just got a new computer! So, now, it is much easier to be on the internet and connect with my friends and family! It's not a MacBook, but it will do for now. It's an HP, one size up from a mini, which will come in handy while traveling or making a pit stop at Starbucks!

2. I'm in dire need of a vehicle, I've been without one for some time and for the last 8 months, I've been living on a farm, so being able to go into town is a must! Thank God for other houseparents who are willing to take me along with them.

3. I've learned all sorts of things about taking care of a farm and farm animals. For instance, today I cleaned the stall of one of our baby 700lb steer and rinsed him off. Successfully, without any headbutting, I got the lead rope attached and got him tied up to the fence. Who knew scooping poop and hay could be so fun!?

4. I've been exercising at least 6 days a week and LOVING the results!!

5. For some odd reason, I started researching Graduate Programs at Eastern University. I'm not really sure if school is the next step for me, but if it is--I am very interested in their Urban Studies/Community Development or Non-Profit Degrees. Plus, I LOVE Philly and it's near a lot of the intentional communities I'm interested in.

6. One of my best friends in the entire world is coming home from Africa this week with her fiance!! I can. not. wait. to see her!! It's been nearly 2 years and that's way too long for besties! I can't wait to see him as well--excited that his visa was approved! Thank you, Jesus!

7. Julian Smith is one freakin' hilarious guy! I've been watching his videos on YouTube and laughing ridiculously. Seriously check him out! Some of my faves so far are: 'Red Eye Flashes Twice" "Racist Coffee" "Stuck in Your Head" You won't be disappointed.

8. I'm trying to make my list to ten...Harry Potter--so bittersweet. Yes, I did go to the theatre by myself to see it! I may or may not have cried...a lot. Will be going again on Friday!

9. I have pets. 4 Hermit Crabs. It's okay, go ahead and make fun, I'm used to it. But, I rather enjoy them.

10. I haven't been to the beach near enough, but I did find a beautiful beach that I will be returning to frequently down on Anna Maria Island. Pure Bliss. My birthday is coming up real soon, so hopefully a trip to the beach will be had!! :)

Next time, I promise a more narrative post...had to at least get my feet wet today!

all things new...

2010-04-29T11:28:00.003-05:00

This post is dedicated to Miss Jessica Williams, who specifically asked me to "update yo blog, jolene"...so here's to you Jess!!

When I was traveling the East Coast last fall, there was a joke amongst my fellow travelers that one of our members was going to be going on a "taste tour," to broaden his taste buds' horizons, as we tried lots of new foods. It seems that when I made the move from the landlocked state of open plains to the shoreline of western florida, that my taste buds would soon be on tour of their own. I have always been a fan of fish, but have never really ventured out into the world of seafood because my first brush with shrimp ended horribly. But, I'm up for trying anything at least once, so Jess and Amber introduced me to the wonderful world of seafood.

After our softball game one night, we headed to the Captain's Table for dinner. Can I just say, delish?! I tried baked oysters, two different kinds even! Regular (i guess that's what you'd call them) and Cajun. I also tickled my taste buds with grilled scallops. And for my meal, I had a Grouper sandwich. tasty! I also had the opportunity to eat at Bonefish Grill, and tried bang bang shrimp (still dislike shrimp heavily, it's texture is like eating very fine bubble wrap and i do not enjoy it) and Mahi Mahi. Man, that fish is so good!

Since I am taking on the vegetarian lifestyle, I'm sure there will be more food-related posts...maybe i could do a "julie and julia" segment...haha

Here's to trying new things! Here's to you, Jess!

New Beginnings!!

2010-02-23T22:16:00.002-06:00

I have been in the great state of FLORIDA now for almost two months and have been seriously lacking in updates. Here's the low-down:

Job Hunting: I had high hopes of finding the coolest ocean side job, that would be both fun and financially worthwhile. after a couple weeks, i wasn't sure that was going to happen...

Free-Time: In the beginning, I had a lot of time on my hands and no where to go and on most days, no vehicle. So, I took up my beloved past time of walking. Conveniently, there is a walking park about a block away (a mile loop), so I would walk there often. That quickly turned into wanting to walk a marathon. I did a little research via google and found a training guide. When i got bored with the walking park, I moved to walking along Beach Drive, about a block away as well and it goes along the bay. It has a beautiful view and I can walk along the shore if I want :-) I am 6 weeks into my 24 weeks of training! and I am loving it! There is also a possibility of entering a half marathon in Pensacola in April!!!

First Job: So, the first place that responded to my application was a fine establishment called Books-A-Million. I was pretty excited about it at first since i LOVE books and reading. I loved the people I worked with but not necessarily the management style and some business strategies, so after 3 weeks, I quit...

Second Job: My roommate's (jenny) mom owns a gymnastics gym and runs an afterschool program and was looking for someone to work with the littlest kids, I tried to resist working here a little bit, mainly for a chance to branch out, but finally gave in. So now I work with 4-5 year olds from 12-6pm. At first, I was a little bit hesitant and skeptical if this was for me...i think i cried everyday that week. I am not used to that age group, but they're starting to grow on me. it's my second week and i'm starting to find my groove...so thankful for that!

Church: Jenny is the youth director at her church and naturally I have been helping out with that. I LOVE the youth! They're great! I also love my sunday school class, and I'm very excited to be teaching Confirmation this year at Forest Park UMC!!

The Ocean: I've only been a couple of times but since the bay is so close it's almost the same! I am ready for a little bit warmer weather and the time to actually spend time at the beach, it's one of my fave things!

Pets: How could I forget! jenny has a cat, and his name is Einstein! love him, but he's starting to get fearless...just yesterday he jumped from the toilet to the top of the shower rod and knocked it clean off the wall...crazy cat! oh, and he plays fetch! he thinks he's a dog.

That's about all for now! I hope to update more regularly!!

Holy Collision

2009-12-06T20:18:00.004-06:00

I woke up this morning...late. I had slept through all 3 of my alarms and for a minute almost didn't get out of bed. Church begins at 9:45 and it was already 9:10, I didn't sleep terribly great and part of me just wanted to return to my dreams, but I remembered that it is advent and didn't really want to miss it. So, I left the warmth of my bed and made my way into the freezing temperatures of my house to shower and get dressed. While in the shower, I sadly was weighing the pros and cons of going to church, even though I was already in the process of getting ready.

I love advent, well, I love the church, but the Christmas season can sometimes be bittersweet for me. I don't enjoy going to church alone, and this time of year pronounces the fact that I do attend by myself. I have always wanted to read the advent litany and light the candles during the services, but unfortunately, churches only seem to select families to perform this task and my family doesn't attend, and to top it off I am single. It's always sometimes awkward for me entering the church, and my first instinct is to try and find someone to sit with so I'm not the "loser" sitting by herself. Typically, it's with a friend and/or their family, and it's hard not to feel like the "plus one" of the group. I know these thoughts/feelings are ridiculous, but I still feel them.

I continued getting ready (yes, I got in the shower at 9:10 and made it to church by 9:40!!), and thought to myself "this is not about me." It's not about me feeling alone, it doesn't matter, worship is done corporately, but it is also individual. Me going to church is not about whether I will have to sit alone or be a "plus one," it's about worshiping my God! I got in my car and the first song on the radio had this line in the chorus, "I don't want to be alone..." hmm. odd, i was just thinking the same thing. God has funny ways of reminding us that we in fact aren't alone. I don't know so much that I was feeling alone, it was more like lonely. I am never alone, ever, even it feels that way.

I arrived at church just in time to greet a few folks and scout out a seat. I did decide to sit alone and worshiping was wonderful, why did I even entertain the idea of sleeping!? When it came time to do the advent litany, I watched as one of my friends' family took the stage, there were four generations represented, and ages ranged from 2 to 90. It was beautiful, and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing down my face. That is when it hit me, I should never feel alone, especially during advent!! It is, after all, the story of the collision of the divine and humanity! God sent His Son to literally be with us (Emmanuel=God with us), and after Jesus left this world, he gave us His Spirit to dwell within us, literally. I am never alone. You are never alone. We are never alone.

Deep Thoughts with the White Stallion..

2009-10-29T23:47:00.005-05:00

Some of you know that we have been experiencing some transportation troubles lately. Over a week and a half ago, as we were making our way from Princeton, NJ to New York City, our beloved van (white stallion) unexpectedly broke down on the turnpike. What we thought would be a simple tow and quick fix has turned into quite the ordeal. While in NYC we had our van towed 4-5 times, and it turned out that the van needed some serious time with a mechanic. We had to completely reconfigure our time in the Big Apple and roll with the punches so to speak. As of right now, Kevin is still in NYC dealing with the van, while Robin and I are in Pennsylvania waiting to be reunited with our male counterpart.

In times like these there are lots of things one can learn when circumstances quickly change and you are forced to improvise with plan B. Here are a few…

1. Being stranded on the side of the road, and waiting for a tow truck, makes for great bonding time. Or nap time.

2. Driving a rental car in NYC is a MILLION times better than a 12 passenger van in NYC. Taking the subway…even better.

3. Maybe you can get towed by AARP, sometimes you can’t…depends on who answers the phone.

4. Being missionaries CAN get you free dental care…

5. Community is key. When things go awry on the road, community is key. There is no way we would have made it to NYC without the help of the Rouse’s picking us up at the Shell station and making trips to haul our stuff out of the van and make sure we got to where we were staying. Again, the Rouse’s helped us when our van broke down the second time and spent a large chunk of their day attending to us. Community is letting go of our “independence” and really leaning on those around us to help us, even if it’s small. It’s also about being in community with God and depending on him to provide for us and placing people in our lives to help us along our journey. Today, Robin and I had to drive our rental car back from Hershey, PA to Allentown, PA because the van wasn’t ready today like it was supposed to be. Since the van wasn’t ready, we weren’t sure where we were going to be sleeping, we had to rely on God to provide and rely on others. We called the pastor of the church we met with on Sunday and asked if she knew anyone who could take us in for the evening or if we could crash at the church. She was more than gracious and set us up with a place to stay and even picked us up after we returned our car. This is community. Relying on God and each other to take care of our brothers and sisters. Like Jesus reminds us, God takes care of the lillies of the field and the birds of the air, and He will take care of us.

So, hopefully our van will be ready tomorrow and we can continue to Pittsburgh, PA. But, in case it’s not we will remember that God is taking care of us wherever we are and we will rely on Him and the help of those he places in our midst.

Stories...

2009-10-13T09:42:00.007-05:00

A large part of the ministry and mission of Pray With Africa is sharing stories. I can't even tell you how many times I have seen our film, but every time it's different. I see something new or it provokes a new thought in my mind, or even pulls at my heart strings in a new way. I still cry during some parts too. Stories have a way of doing that, they tether themselves to our hearts and leave us forever changed. It makes me think of Jesus. I can imagine him sitting in a field talking to folks, telling parables, sharing stories and people leaving changed, transformed, tethered to Him and going and changing the world from a new perspective. And all those people listening to him tethered to each other, and I can envision small groups forming after Jesus had spoke (whether sitting in the grass or walking back to their homes) discussing what they'd just heard and how they can apply it in their life. All of us are woven together in a beautiful tapestry of story, and our tapestry stretches all around the earth.

Our stories are important and powerful and you never know how you may be changed by taking the time to know someone's story. Can you imagine being present at the Sermon on the Mount? Hearing words that didn't quite make sense to you in your head but resonated with your heart in such a way that left you almost dumbfounded, fumbling to grasp their meaning, but making an effort to know what those words meant for your life from that moment on. Knowledge of a life which defies the ordinary, and is intertwined in community, sacrifice, prayer, faith and action leaves you thirsting to make those qualities a reality. It gives me goosebumps even imagining hearing that firsthand in a world where no one had considered such things. I can hear the buzz among the crowd as they have just listened to everything Jesus has said...

You mean "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth? Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven?...love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you?...Forgive, Reconcile...Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth? but rather store up treasures in heaven? Seek first the kingdom of heaven?" This was a radical way of thinking and it left people stunned, but I think it also pulled at their hearts in the exact way it is pulling at my heart right now. it even says that the crowds were amazed by his teaching, because He had authority. It's funny to me how many times you can read something and think you know what it means and then you read it unsuspecting one day and it changes your life, changes how you approach things, changes how you live. It has definitely taken hold of me in a totally new way this week.

It has taken me just about a week to finish this post. One because of time, but also because I really wanted a chance to let the scripture sink in. This post was originally intended for sharing stories from the road, from Pray With Africa screenings, but I think God had a better story he wanted me to share, His story. Enter in to His story...you won't be disappointed, but be prepared to be radically changed. Amen!

in memory...

2009-09-28T14:55:00.003-05:00

??-2009: in loving memory, i will miss you and your crazy ways!
you were the best dog EVER!!!

first week of tour is completed!!

2009-09-20T22:22:00.007-05:00

welp, week one is finished. i am exhausted, but it has been great!! just wanted to let you all in on the adventures that have been had on the first stretch of the journey!!

Here are both teams on the day we pulled out of the PWA driveway as both teams headed out to Memphis to do our first screenings together!
Left to Right: Emily, Kevin, Seth, Chris, KatJo, Me, and Robin.

After Memphis, kevin, chris, robin and i headed to louisville, kentucky. i had the privilege of driving the van, which was odd, only because i had only driven a few times since june and i have never driven anything that size but i handled her well. Our van is called "the white stallion" and the southeast team's van is called "white lightning" and when we drive together it is "thunder horse!" we thought we were brilliant :)

In Louisville, we did screenings at the University of Louisville, Bellarmine University, the Kentucky conference office of the UMC...then we hit the road and drove to Asbury College in good ole Wilmore, KY. i LOVED being there and getting to meet up with Jordan (who i spent the summer with in Tanzania) and i LOVED the students we met!! they were all so great and took us on a late night extravaganza of the wonders of wilmore! we went and saw the water tower with a cross on it, went to the reservoir, star tripped, climbed the train trestle over the train tracks and waited for a train (which sadly didn't come), went to the north pole, put our feet in the fountain on the seminary and hula hooped with john wesley. and of course, went to clucker's to get an Ale-8!

we spent a couple days in lexington and visited a couple churches before heading on to Virginia Tech and did a screening for the Wesley Foundation, they were fun too!

We then moved on to Richmond Virginia...my teammate chris is from there and so we are staying at his house. we did a screening with his home church yesterday and went to williamsburg to do a screening at William and Mary. After our screening one of the students walked us around colonial williamsburg which was really cool and also gave us a "ghost tour" of the haunted houses in the area. and of course which we are making a habit, hula hooped with thomas jefferson!

I am really loving being on the road and being able to share the stories of our friends in the film, but also to learn the stories of those we are meeting along the way and getting to share our own stories as well. i know this journey has only just begun and i am already amazed at God's work and i really believe that this movement with PrayWithAfrica can and WILL change the world, and knowing that I am a part of that is so humbling!

I would love to hear from you all!!! also, please visit praywithafrica.com and see how you can join our prayer community and begin to pray with others!

pray with us...

2009-09-09T23:06:00.001-05:00

the best part of booking is, hands down, meeting people either by phone or email. i am constantly amazed at the connections being made. this one in particular...

it started just like any other day since we started booking, well, maybe a little different than most because our air conditioner had been on the fritz for a few days and i remember being a little on the warm side. i was sitting at my desk, browsing google for churches, schools, coffeeshops, any cool place that might be interested in having us. sending out a plethora of emails and hitting refresh on my browser way too often, praying that i would have at least one reply and be able to put someone on our calendar. in the midst of all that, the phone rings. we have become accustomed to yelling out the area code from the caller id, because we are all responsible for different cities and we know our respective area codes. chris looked at me and said "410," and i sat up straight and said "oh! that's me!" we adjusted the phone to face me and I picked up the receiver with hopes of speaking with a potential contact and screening.

"pray with africa, this is nicole"...

on the other end of the line was Paul, from Baltimore, MD. he got my information from a gentleman, carlos, who is a youth pastor i had emailed the previous week. their church holds a ministry there called "Africa Needs U" and carlos gave him my name and number. awesome! so paul and i chatted about his ministry and i couldn't help but notice his accent, it's one i know very well and love the sound, i could tell he was from Africa...if his accent didn't give it away, his speech and depth of biblical knowledge and reference to at least a dozen scripture verses did.

He told me about a part of his ministry called "Africa Prays," which is held at carlos' church, and people meet to pray about issues and things on the news about the continent and it's people. luckily, we will be in Baltimore for their october meeting, and i pray that we will be able to hold a screening after their meeting and be a part of it. We talked more about Pray With Africa and each other as well.

He asked me if i had been to africa and i said yes, i have been to kenya, tanzania, and egypt. He responded with "asante sana" (swahili for thank you) and said that was great. i asked him where he was from (because he's been in the states for 24 years), and he asked me where i thought he was from. based on his use of swahili, i guessed kenya, and was wrong. he is from nigeria. we exchanged phone numbers and emails and spoke of hearing from each other soon, then just when i thought we were ready to say our goodbyes, he asked if he could just pray with me for a minute before we parted ways, so to speak. my heart swelled and i answered with an appreciative "yes." so, we spent the end of our 25min conversation in prayer. he prayed beautifully, the way i have only heard africans pray, and i was so humbled and thankful to God for allowing our stories and lives to connect and share in something so small, but so powerful.

i look forward to meeting paul in october and sharing our film and philosophy, but more importantly, i hope to share more of those intimate moments when believers drop their guards, and don't let barriers such as distance, culture, background, etc, keep them from being in community and lifting their voices in unison to the one who crafts such a beautiful tapestry of life, love, people and prayer.

hit the road...

2009-09-05T22:13:00.002-05:00

greetings friends!

this next week is crunch week..all hands on deck week, if you will. the week where our days will most likely feel like they'll never end, but i am excited for it! our days will consist of booking our tour, continuing to get folks onto our calendar and building relationships with our contacts, rejoicing when we receive screening agreements. our evenings will consist of trainings. training on Audio/Visual equipment, individual roles and responsibilities on our teams, and any other last minute info we might need, and perfecting our speaking portions of a screening.

i am ready to be on the road and share this incredible film, philosophy, and movement with young people and adults alike. i really believe that Pray With Africa can and WILL change the world. i am almost moved to tears every time i remember how incredibly blessed i am to be a part of this, and help build the foundations of something i feel so passionate about.

please take a minute to watch the trailer to our film:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9Jl_Ez7_RI

it's amazing and i know i speak for all of us PWA'ers when i say how thankful we are to have Austin Flack (filmmaker, editor, and all around crazy fun guy) as a part of our community. We have had the great privilege to meet him this week and spend time getting to know him. today we spent a little time shooting some promotional videos, never really been filmed before but it was a lot of fun!

i am excited to get on the road and begin this journey, we leave in exactly one week...i would ask you all to pray that all the last minute details come together as they are supposed to and that stress levels will be low, and we will make the most of being together before we split up in teams. and pray that our journeys will be safe and life changing, not only for ourselves but for those we will meet as well.

it's been too long...

2009-08-23T21:14:00.003-05:00

...so let me catch you up on what's been happening!

it feels like it's going by so quickly that i have to remind myself to slow down and take it all in every once and a while. today actually marks the third week of me being in nashville and working as a Pray With Africa "intern." and i am loving it!

first, i would just like to say that our documentary, Listen: A New African Narrative, is an absolutely beautiful film and i can't wait to share it with you and with those i will be showing it to this fall while on tour! Just a quick synopsis: the film features 5 different individuals in 5 different countries in africa (liberia, south africa, mali, uganda, and malawi), and it shows how they as leaders in their community are prayerfully making a difference. Each individual is battling a different obstacle whether it's water sanitation, disease, conflict, poverty, or malnutrition, they are boldly standing up in prayer and doing something about these issues. it's beautiful. and i'm so excited to be on the road...okay, maybe a little anxious too!

so, my first week here was filled with learning the history of each country, getting to know the other people i will be sharing this experience with, and learning the history and mission and philosophy of Pray With Africa. the beginning of our second week is when the real work began...on the first day of that week we got split up into our teams, and i am so excited to tell you that i am a part of the east coast team. 3 others and myself will be traveling to kentucky, west virginia, virginia, washington dc, baltimore, delaware, philly, new jersey, new york city, a few other cities in pennsylvania and cincinnati!!! talk about an exciting 2 months! we'll head out on september 11th for an adventure of a lifetime!

here's a picture of my team! team bEAST coast!

from top to bottom: Robin, Kevin, myself, and Chris we are quite talented as you can see by our layering abilities...so it will most definitely be a fun road trip!!

Ever since we got split into our 2 tours, we have been working on actually booking our tour for it to be a reality...so it's been a lot of time in front of a computer researching places on google, cold calling people/churches/coffeeshops/universities, etc., and making lots of return phone calls and follow up emails. my booking responsibilities are for the washington dc area, baltimore, and delaware area, so if anyone reading this has any connections i would love to make more contacts! it's a very daunting task, but it's exciting as well, and we have about 2 weeks to book 80+ screenings...yikes!

we've also spent time meeting The Upper Room staff as well as members of the General Board of Discipleship and that has just been overwhelmingly wonderful and i am constantly thankful for the generosity of those who have invited us to lunch, bbq's, brought us meals to our house. and even more thankful for them really believing in what we're doing and caring so much as to learn our stories. God is so good!

i am excited to see what God has in store for us this fall...please know that i couldn't be doing this without you!! thank you for your prayers and support it means so much--continue to stay in touch!! more to come, i promise to make it more frequent!!

contact info...

2009-08-07T22:03:00.002-05:00

just wanted you all to know how to get ahold of me for the next 4 months!

snail mail:

Pray With Africa

c/o Nicole Guthrie

1908 Grand Ave.

Nashville, TN 37212

email:

personal: nicole.guthrie@sckans.edu

pray with africa: nicolepwa@gmail.com

phone:

cell: (620) 218-3549

i would really LOVE to hear from you!!!

sometimes it's hard, but that's okay...

2009-08-05T22:57:00.002-05:00

today i am having somewhat of a rough day...if you read my last blog, you know that i have relocated to nashville for the next 5 weeks, as i venture out with an organization called Pray With Africa. i landed in the states wednesday night from nairobi and 3 short days later made my journey to nashville. we started our training sessions on monday and i am thoroughly excited about our work, about my teammates (as they are awesome!), what's to come the next few months...

but it's also hard, and that's okay too...i am fairly adaptable, but 3 days time to completely switch my life is finally catching up with me. we are doing a lot of learning, and research about africa, and watching the film we will be showing on the road, and it is making me really miss being on the continent, being with the kids, being with my friends in eastleigh, and being with my friends/team. i have had a very soft heart today and on top of all that, we watched a film this evening called "War Dance"...it is a phenomenal film about the children in northern uganda who travel to kampala to compete in a national music festival, but it focuses a lot on the hardships and unbelievable atrocities they have witnessed and sometimes even done themselves. its heartbreaking--and it made me miss being there more, but also empowered me to keep going and is inspiring me more annd more to spread Pray With Africa's philosophy.

i don't want to end on kind of down note...so let me share some hilarious moments that have happened so far...today we had a hula hoop session, where we learned some awesome techniques and despite the fact that my hips don't lie, i kinda stink at it, but it was so much fun! and yesterday we played a game called bigger and better. we started out with a paperclip and went out in groups to exchange our paperclips for bigger and better things, in the hopes of finding decorations for our house! here's our list of what we ended up with: a rolling office chair, a real chair, a foot massager, a lamp that doubles as an ash tray, a regular lamp, bubbles, a painting, a vase, an end table and a bookshelf, a rug, an empty plastic container and a coupon for two free tacos...we rock!

so all in all, it may be hard...but it's also very, very good!

for such a time as this...

2009-07-30T10:01:00.003-05:00

where to start...? the last two weeks in Africa have been kind of a blur for me, and i apologize for not updating more often, this might be a bit long of a post but bear with me, it's a good one!

my last post was on our last day in Tarime, and let me just tell you it was a most wonderful day, indeed. the kids and staff all came out and did a little bit of a "presentation" for us, which was really sweet and a big cry fest for many of the kids. it took all the strength i could muster to keep the salty tears in the ducts, and for the rest of the day we celebrated and played. for lunch we ate bread with butter and jam, something they rarely if ever get. Then we proceeded to have a field day of sorts, including tug of war, potato sack races, a three-legged race (in which my partner was bebe leah, a grandma who watches over the kiddos at night, talk about awesome!). then when the vehicles came to pick the kids up we waved as they drove off the property and our group stayed behind, walked down to the river to sing some worship songs and close up our time at Gamasara. after we trekked back from the river and waiting for our ride we laid in the grass in the open field and stargazed...it could have been the perfect way to say goodbye. my heart is forever in Tarime in such a powerful way and i know God did that for a reason.

speaking of goodbyes and "for such a time as this" moments...our next adventure was a little bit of a holiday, a trip to mombasa on the east coast of kenya, to the indian ocean. let me preface just a little bit. a few days before our departure from Tarime, i received an email from my friend Ashlee, telling me about a job opportunity through the General Board of Discipleship....called...Pray With Africa. it couldn't have been more perfect timing and as i talked, thought and prayed about it, i decided to email for more information. the day we left for mombasa i sent in my application and resume. when we arrived in mombasa, i heard that they wanted to set up a phone interview. yikes! so there i am on the beach, having a phone interview with a group of people from the states, for a job that would let me share my passion for africa across the United States. perfect. the next day i was offered the position and the day after that i accepted it. (for more information about it please visit, www.praywithafrica.org )

so, from then on out life has moved pretty quickly for me, we made our way back to Nairobi where i began the process of changing my flight, because i wasn't supposed to leave till August 4th but i have to be in Nashville on the 2nd to begin training on the 3rd. (forgot to mention that above) with all that said i am typing this blog from my home in Kansas, i arrived home last night and am beginning laundry fest 2009 in an attempt to get everything done, see all the people i need to see, and give myself some time to digest everything before moving on to the next adventure that God has chosen for me.

i am truly sad to have left africa, (you can ask the bathroom attendant in the nairobi airport about the cry fest she witnessed from me, sad but true) because i really feel that part of my heart will never leave it, i am sad that i didn't get to spend the last week of our time in Nairobi at the Eastleigh Fellowship Center, but i know my teammates are continuing on and making a difference. on the flipside, i am so excited maybe even a little anxious, as i step into this unknown section of my life, but i know God is bigger and His plans are perfect and i know He didn't lead me here on accident, "for such a time as this..." i want to thank all of you for being encouragers and supporters of my life, my faith, this trip and this next adventure as well.

i would ask you all to keep praying for me, i leave for nashville on sunday for a month of training and then i will head out with 3 other people in a van and travel around the east part of the country (visit the site i posted above, if you haven't already--it tells all about what i will be doing). i will continue to use this blog to keep in touch so keep checking it and i hope to add some more africa pics and stories as well! i will see you all at the end of November!!

bittersweet...

2009-07-17T23:16:00.002-05:00

today is our last day in the great city of Tarime...we are taking the kids and staff at MAHOHTT out to Gamasara for one last beautiful saturday. if you know me you know i don't hide my emotions well and today i have quite a few. i don't want it to be a sad goodbye so i pray that God will give me the strength to not let the sadness of not being with them show, because i know without a doubt that i will return to this place.

i don't think i can even begin to describe how much the kids mean to me and how much they have stolen my heart...

abundant blessings...

2009-07-13T06:28:00.003-05:00

God is overwhelmingly powerful and gracious, and i have been able to bask in his many blessings especially over the past couple days. My friend Holly has been here in Tarime since January and when she returned to the states headed up a project we lovingly call the "stepping into each others' shoes" project. Holly, Jordan, their church, friends and family collected enough shoes for each of our 40 kids to have a pair of school shoes and a pair of tennis shoes. i thank God for stirring the hearts of all those who participated. yesterday we had the honor of distributing 2 pairs of new shoes to each child. amazing.

i want to thank each of you so much for supporting me so graciously and just wanted to give you a glimpse of how your support is helping our 40 angels at MAHOTT.

Education here is so very important for the kids, for their futures it is the single most important thing that can help them step out of poverty and make a change in their lives. having an education puts them one step closer to having their dreams come true. It came to our attention Saturday that they did not have the supplies they needed for school which began today (monday), and the orphanage funds were lacking in providing for their needs. We had the secondary students make lists of all the priorities they would need for school and we met as a team to figure out how much money we could pool together to cover as much of the cost as possible. thanks to you for supporting this cause, we were able to purchase a set of textbooks (which they haven't had before) for the girls and set of textbooks for the boys, notebooks for each child, pens, mathematical sets, rulers, and backpacks for each student. i am so thankful that they started school today with a deeper sense of hope and determination.

there is another project we are hoping to tackle this week, as it's our last week here, and i am really excited about it. Holly had the idea to teach the kids (especially the older ones) how to get a bank account, manage money, make budgets, how to save money, etc. life skills that will all need and we have been told that doing business in the banks here can be intimidating if you have no idea what is going on. luckily, we are friends with the bank manager in town and are hoping for him to meet with the kids and open a bank account for each child with 10,000tsh (which is equivilent to about $8), and teach them skills they may need. it's a ministry of empowerment and am blessed to be a part of it all.

so, thank you for blessing me, but thank you most importantly for blessing these children...may you be abundantly blessed in return!!

the kiddos with their new shoes!

lucy

Sammy

Rose

Mwita Hura

disappointed in myself...saved by God's grace...

2009-07-13T05:03:00.003-05:00

So, I have concluded that at some point in the life and ministry of a missionary, you feel like you just don’t have what it takes, that you’ve failed at something in particular, or that you feel inadequate to the task before you. It’s part of being human. My dear friend, Jenny, spent 3 months in Kenya this year and she blogged once about being the worst missionary ever. Now if you know her as I do, you would be thinking there is no way that she would ever be called that. After being in Africa for over a month now, I have experienced that same feeling. This last week I definitely felt the overwhelming heaviness that I was the worst missionary ever. Let me explain…

This last week my fellow Kansans and I had the opportunity to travel to our friend’s village (the village where Sonny was born, he is the basketball coach at the center in Eastleigh in Nairobi). We took a 4-ish hour bus ride, spent a night in Mwanza, met up with Sonny and Lynette (our friend from Eastleigh, she plays some mad b-ball and Sonny is her coach) and headed on an 8 hour bus ride to the town of Bukoba, then hopped a 45min taxi ride to the village. African travel is definitely an adventure. Sonny’s mother comes from the Haya tribe and they are known for building their homes amongst the banana trees, so we got dropped off on the side of the highway and walked the footpaths through the banana fields to the mud house and hut. It was almost a bit surreal.

Our first full day in the village was spent going around the village and meeting Sonny’s extended family, entering their homes to say hello and introduce ourselves and then heading on our way. We even walked to the next town to see Sonny’s sister, who has quite a bit of land on a hillside and we hiked to the top for one of the most amazing views I have ever seen. We were so close to the Ugandan border that we decided to make a small pit stop, took pictures at the Uganda sign and returned to the village to have dinner with the family.

Our second day there started so beautifully. I awoke to the sound of Sonny praying out loud in English. He was praying over his mother’s house and his family; casting out demons in Jesus’ name, demons of laziness, poverty, oppression, disease, etc. He also prayed for the entire village to know Christ and prayed blessings upon them. I thank God for allowing me to witness Sonny’s heart, his genuineness, his love for God and most of all for blessing me with an example to follow. Now, after a start like that, how could things go wrong? “Things” didn’t actually go wrong it was more my fallible humanity that got in the way. And here’s where the “worst missionary ever” story continues…

The previous day I had cut up my feet pretty bad hiking and walking was almost excruciating. I didn’t bring a pair of tennis shoes so I had absolutely no protection for the cuts I had received. I just had to wear my sandals and get over it. Easier said than done. The plans for our morning that second day was to visit Sonny’s uncle in the village. I’m thinking no big deal, right? Just a short jaunt into the village to say a quick hello and then my feet could rest easy for the day. Well, as you may have guessed it wasn’t a short walk and mind you we are on footpaths in the bush, not a paved road. I spent a large portion of the walk being angry about the pain of my feet and wishing that everyone wouldn’t walk so fast so I could keep up. I was almost wishing I hadn’t come for this particular visit and I was most angry about having such an awful attitude about it. Every time we would approach a dwelling I was praying that it was the one, and it wasn’t about 3 or 4 times before reaching our destination.

On our way to Sonny’s uncle, we came upon a woman who was ill and hadn’t been able to talk in a long time. Sonny asked us to stop, share a word with her, lay hands on her and pray. It was such a moving experience that you would have thought it would have turned my bad attitude around, and I am ashamed to say that it didn’t. I kept arguing with God…wondering if this is really where He wanted me on this particular morning. It was great to pray with that woman, but I was being selfish and wanted to be free of pain and I apparently couldn’t get past the pain. We continued on, visited his uncle, stayed for a bit and prayed over him and his house and headed back. We made another stop on our way home, one that God used to slap me out of my selfishness and experience the power and glory of my creator. When we stopped and prayed for the woman, a young boy witnessed us and followed us from there to Sonny’s uncles and asked if we would come and pray over him, his education and his home. After talking with him, we found out that his mother had died, and I am not sure that his father was around much.

So, here I was, complaining to God about how badly my feet hurt and wishing it wasn’t so hot and that I had brought a bottle of dasani with me…blah blah blah. And here was this young boy who had followed us, waited for us and had the courage to ask for prayer. Probably one of the most humbling experiences of my life. We sat around him, laid our hands upon him and prayed for his life, his family, his education, blessed his house and as the tears streamed down my face I was so humbled and thankful that despite my poor attitude, God graced me with getting a glimpse of the power of prayer and how much intercessory prayer means to people. May I never miss out on an opportunity like this again because of my own personal convenience and comfort. God is so much bigger than my pain and I only pray that he would continue to stretch me, my understanding and my faith; and that He would continue to open my heart and take away the things and attitudes that cause me to miss out on giving Him all the glory.

“As a saved soul, the real business of your life intercessory prayer…” ~Oswald Chambers

i have the best job on the planet...

2009-06-26T01:11:00.002-05:00

out of all the jobs i could think to have right now, i would pick exactly what i am doing here in tarime. there is no where else my heart desires to be, and honestly, i think this is the best job on the planet.

my job is simply being love. being a person with skin on to kids who haven't always known what love is and have maybe never felt the comfort of touch. i have the great joy of going to MAHOTT everyday and knowing that they feel loved.

this is what i get to do:

the other day i was hanging out in the kind of courtyard and heard a squealing from one of the rooms...i go to investigate and it's sammy, our resident dance master, laying in his bed with a pillow over his head peeking out at me. i go in to see what he's doing and sit down next to him. he cuddles up next to me still under the pillow and i start rubbing his back, as he snuggled closer--there was no where else i wanted to be. it's amazing how much being touched makes a difference and if that's all it takes for them to know it, i am there. everyday.

other perks to the "job" include:

i took a deck of cards one afternoon and literally sat on the porch of the orphanage for close to 3 1/2 hours playing some sort of rendition of uno with regular cards with a bunch of the boys. it was a blast!! during the card playing nossi came to sit on my lap, and of course is always a highlight of my day. she is precious, and a handful all rolled into one beautiful 4 year old. that same day, nossi took my bandana and wrapped it around her as a kanga (material they wrap around their waists, like a skirt) and after that proceeded to comb my hair and try to tie the bandana back onto my head. pretty funny. i also love the moments when the kids just want you to hold them. i will gladly be a jungle gym of affection and God's love.

i feel so privileged to be a part of this place. i feel like i get to see a glimpse of heaven everyday in the smallest of moments, but aren't those the ones that matter and make all the difference? when i get home at the end of the day i always feel that where i was, and who i was with, were exactly where i was supposed to be.

here's an excerpt from my journal: "God is the perfect author--and i am so thankful that He has written part of my story here in this place--this "heaven on earth."

contact info

2009-06-24T02:52:00.002-05:00

just wanted to give everyone my contact information while in Tanzania:

snail mail:

Nicole Guthrie
c/o Holly Heyroth
P.O. Box 465
Tarime, Tanzania

cell: 011-255-789-903-003
email: nicole.guthrie@sckans.edu

i would love to hear from you!!!

picture post...

2009-06-22T02:38:00.011-05:00

my fellow Kansans entering the great country of Tanzania: Jordan, kylie, chelsey, holly and myself! Just stopping for a touristy photo op.

part of my dinner during our Serengeti adventure…yes, a whole fish. And it was delicious!!

James (our African father and driver), kate, nate, me, chelsey, kylie, holly, Lawrence, Jocelyn, and Jordan. My family for the summer!

we had the secondary girls over to our house for an afternoon of dancing, juice and candybars, and of course a little manicure/pedicure action! They are all wearing a new shirt that we brought over for them. (left to right) bhoke, bhoke, leah, sarah, rhobina, lucy, paskazia, benedetha, and agnes (on floor). I wish you all could see these ladies dance, they truly put my dancing to shame!

_________________________________________________________
Gamasara:
Methodist Angel House Orphanage has a large plot of land not far outside of town where they are building a new home for all the kiddos—the property is called Gamasara and we take the kids out there on Saturdays to just be, play, swim in the river, and harvest the shamba (garden). It was such a blessing to be out there with them, it will most definitely be one of my favorite parts of the week I am sure.

we had to wait for the cattle and goats to cross before getting in to swim!

meet zach, our friend and translator, his nickname is zora (like zorro). He’s really into martial arts and of course as a ninja myself, we hit it off. He came out to Gamasara and gave me lessons in tai chi.

during the week we have an amazing woman named Catherine, that cooks our meals, cleans, and does laundry…but on Saturdays, we Americans are left to our own devices when it comes to our meals. I offered to cook a version of what we would call stir-fry. It was fun using the jiko—and nate said if he wasn’t married to kate, he would marry me. Haha.

i have posted 2 other blogs after this so keep scrolling down! :)

new twist on the top ten list...

2009-06-22T02:32:00.002-05:00

The top 5 things i enjoy so far...
1. the kiddos at Methodist Angel House, every single one of them.
2. my housemates…new friends/family.
3. not always having power/water.
4. the cuisine and cooking on the giko.
5. a roughly 4 mile walk (or trek really, it’s pretty hilly) most every
morning…bliss.

The top 5 things that aren't quite my fave...
1. being a part of the mzungu (white person) parade.
2. the roosters.
3. the little neighborhood kids that stand outside our windows and yell mzungu
and when we don’t respond they start knocking, even after we’ve closed
the curtains.
4. the mosquitos.
5. the parade o’ ants in our bedroom.

sex ed...?

2009-06-22T02:29:00.001-05:00

I don’t know how you feel about having “the sex talk” with teenagers, but for me it’s just slightly awkward. One thing I never thought I would do while here is have a sex talk with the girls at MAHOTT (Methodist angel house orphanage, Tarime Tanzania—this is the abbreviation I will use from now on). To be completely honest, I was dreading the meeting and was intending on staying quiet the entire time. But, God is a comedian, and he had other plans. The meeting with the secondary girls was actually the highlight of my day. There have been some issues with some of the older girls, mainly regarding boys/boyfriends, hence the meeting/talk. Those on my team with boyfriends spoke a little bit about why their relationships work on a purely non-physical level and then the talk progressed into the wait until marriage spiel. During the course of our discussion, the girls inform us of certain men in town they call fataki’s. These men are usually older, most likely married, and wealthy and outrageously exploit young girls. They will give the girls a phone, or a new shirt, or buy them a soda in exchange for the gift of their bodies, utterly damaging their self-worth and taking what does not belong to them. Even more saddening is that some of these men are their teachers—who will give better marks if the girls sleep with them. Some of these men can be dangerous going as far as inflicting serious injury for those who do not comply. These girls are so precious and deserve to live without the fear of exploitation, and I pray and hope that you will burn with the same kind of righteous anger that is in each of my team members for the atrocities that occur. I hope that our talk with them will give them the strength to say no to these evil men if they ever find themselves in that position, and that they know deep in their soul that they are worth more than all the gold and jewels in the world. Pray for the fataki’s that they may see what they are doing as evil and let girls be just that, girls.

life so far...

2009-06-16T05:21:00.002-05:00

i have safely arrived in Tanzania, and have enjoyed every minute so far! Let me just tell you a little bit about life in Africa so far...

our first two days in Tanzania were spent traveling to the Serengeti and going on a safari...and can i just say it was probably one of the most amazing experiences of my life. seeing God's masterful craftsmanship in creation was a truly humbling and awe inspiring time. the land is absolutely breathtaking--i feel so close to God when i am basking in His glorious creation. not only was the landscape amazing but so was the variety of animals we were so privileged to see. we saw tons of zebra and wildebeasts (they are migrating through the serengeti at this time of year), crocodiles, lots of hippos, elephants, baboons, giraffes and the best of all lions!! we spent the night in the park and at night with no lights the stars took my breath away, i have never seen so many stars in my life--our God is such an artist!! kate (one of the women i live with) climbed up on top of our van to stargaze. i loved it!

on monday we had the chance to run around town and do some errands, change money, buy water/soda, etc. and then in the afternoon (and by far my favorite time) we went to the orphanage to meet the kids again for an extended time. when we first met them it was so late we only stayed for a few minutes. they are the most amazing children, so full of life and have so much to offer in the ways of love. i spent a lot of my time with nosi, she is the youngest of the kids at angel house at the age of 4, she has quite the little personality on her! she will cling to you and climb you as if you are a mountain, it's great, and she also squeezes harder when hugging than any burly man i have ever hugged!! :) my friend holly has been in Tarime since January and has set up a pen pal program with the kids and people in the states. i feel so privileged to be a pen pal and even more excited that i have met her and will get to form an in person relationship. her name is grace and they call her gili. she is very shy but we were watching a skit and i waved at her she came to sit with me, the others who have been here since jan. were really surprised that she came and sat with me, which made me feel pretty good. she doesn't speak english so i am going to try real hard to learn some phrases so i can converse with her. needless to say, these kids have stolen my heart. i am overjoyed to spend the next 5 weeks with them!!

now i want to tell you a little bit about life in Tarime for an american...

so i came knowing and expecting to not have power and water 100% of the time--and sure enough our first night back we did not have power. interestingly enough we will not have power for another whole day and then after that for the next 2 weeks we will only have power at night (which in all actuality is only a convenience for charging our technology) going without power is so liberating and has really shown me how simple life can really be when you only have the basics--it's an adventure and i love it. also, on the "waterfront" we don't really have running water or water pressure at the moment so i haven't had a "real" shower since we left from nairobi, so about 5 days. i have learned to bucket bathe like a pro! and, yes, i think that that is liberating as well. our laundry gets washed and hung on a line in our courtyard and all around our veranda, it's kinda weird at first to see all your stuff hanging for all to see but it's fun too! also, i have had my first visit to a doctor here (don't worry i am fine, just have a small infection) but they drew blood to test as well as urine--it is interesting to have experienced a doctor's visit here.

so that is just a small taste of life so far, i really really love it and i cannot wait to see what else God has in store for me here. thank you again for all your support, love and prayers! hope to update again sometime soon!!

a sweet aroma...

2009-06-16T05:08:00.002-05:00

June 12, 2009 (i wrote this our last morning in nairobi, but the internet wasn't working correctly! better late than never, right?)

2 Corinthians 2:14-17
“But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him. For we are to God the aroma of Christ among these who are being saved and those who are perishing. To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God.

One of my favorite things about going to the Eastleigh Fellowship Centre, is meeting with Sunny first and foremost for prayer and worship before we begin our day. He is one of the most humble men I have ever met and is so passionate about God. He is wise and has an incredible knowledge of the scriptures and it is infectious! Now, we meet in his office, which is a very small room and we all pile in to sing songs (the words are on the “overhead projector” aka paper taped to the wall!!), read scripture and pray.

This morning he spoke about us being a sweet fragrance to those around us. Are we exuding a fragrance of life or are we exuding a smell that will cause others to be turned off to us? I love the imagery and sensation of being a sweet fragrance, the fragrance of my God. I want to be a sweet aroma to God and to others by giving myself and His love away. This really made me think about how often I am not a very pleasing aroma, whether it’s because of work, or if I’m just annoyed, etc. But, we have such an impact on those around us that is it really worth letting our moods get in the way of sharing the love of God? Of course not! So I encourage you, and also myself, to think about how we can be a better fragrance to God and those around us. May you be a sweet, sweet smell to those around you!

the packing has commenced!!

2009-06-03T11:51:00.006-05:00

before actually getting down to the nitty gritty, i always feel like i need to waste a bit of time to work myself up to the act itself. like today for instance, my house looks like my room exploded alllll over. i have crap everywhere and suitcases strewn about. i want to start the packing of my personal bag which will most definitely be an event. but before i can do so i felt the need to post, hype myself up a bit.

last week we had a team packing party for all our supplies which was awesome! each of us (5 all together) will be taking 3 bags. eeek! also, holly had begun a project for the kids and has collected one pair of school shoes and one pair of tennis shoes for each child at the orphanage!! how amazing! and how amazing the response has been--there were so many shoes! i was overwhelmed by the generosity of her friends and family, it will be such a blessing to give the shoes to the kiddos!

now for pictures...

this was jordan's living room before the packing...

like i said it was a total mess! but completely worth it!

SHOES!! :)

i LOVE school supplies!!!

so, needless to say, we are taking a lot of supplies but that is awesome! thank you to everyone for donating items, shoes, etc.

now, i suppose i should get to getting the rest of my packing done..eeek!

perspective...

2009-05-30T13:44:00.003-05:00

i have not been in the greatest of moods the past couple days...just a few kinks in the road and those kinks stole my optimism. the kinks aren't the important part, but while i was at work--cursing the fact that i was there--a beautiful thing happened and knocked me off my feet. thank you God!!

i was way behind in my closing duties, just trying to get ahead so i could leave on time because i was exhausted and the folks working on the sales floor kept calling me and either asking me questions or giving me more pans to count, etc. one of the calls i was just particularly annoyed for no reason and my co-worker asked if i had gotten her note. i hadn't, so she showed it to me. apparently, a little boy had lost his hot wheels sunglasses and his grandma had called to see if anyone had turned them in because the little boy's mom had just died recently and the last thing she had gotten him before she died were those sunglasses. awww.

so i looked through the lost and found, they were there!!!! so we tried to call the number she left but her voicemail inbox was full...i took them back to the count room with me and said i'd have someone call in the morning. 10 mins later i get another call to come out and the little boy and his grandma were there to pick them up. the little boy was so so so excited...he couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 and you could tell he had been crying...he said "grandma, these are the ones! these are the ones!!!!" i smiled as she thanked us and my heart swelled.

i turned around went back into the count room and cried. (so glad my job is in an enclosed room for times when i breakdown at work! lol) here i was being upset about stupid, insignificant, FIXABLE things...and this little boy had lost his mom-and for a moment the last gift she gave him...that put everything back into perspective for me...i thank God that someone turned in his sunglasses and that i was involved in getting them back to him.

sucking air...

2009-05-23T06:07:00.002-05:00

i don't know what came over me this morning at 2:15am when i decided it would be a good idea to get up at 5:30, a mere 3 hours away, and go for a run....

yep, that's right, i said "go for a run..." let me just tell you when the last time i went for a run was.....yeah, can't even recall!!! so i dragged my exhausted butt to bed and set my 3 alarms. now, it's a saturday morning...who in the world thinks--hey i think i'll go for a run at 5:30am!?!? (crazy people, that's who!) moment of truth--my alarm is going off. no, i decide, i'm too tired...the alarm goes off again and now the dogs are awake and now they want to go outside so i reluctantly drag myself out of the heavenly bed and put them out, successfully try to talk myself out of going on said run and head back to bed, ugh!! NO!! i knew i would hate myself if i didn't go and the plus was that if i went that early no one would see me running and also the glorious fact of the early morning temperatures guaranteed i wouldn't be sopping in sweat...so i get back out of bed, chug half a diet pepsi (yeah, not the greatest idea), put on my shoes and head out the door.

i ran/walked a little over a mile sucking air during the times i ran and realizing how terribly out of shape i am and how much it'd ROCK if i could run the whole time and NOT suck air...so, perhaps i will do this every morning--as much as i HATE getting up early i truly love the serenity of the early morning, watching the sunrise and just basking in God's glory, even if i am covered in sweat.

now as i type, i am chugging a glass of deliciously cold water, trying to ignore the fact that my legs feel like noodles and will most definitely HURT later today and most importantly thanking God for not letting me go back to sleep and miss the time i spent with Him and the sunrise...

now, however, it's time to go back to bed, ha! good morning and good night!

just a tad bit anxious...

2009-05-22T02:03:00.004-05:00

the other day i realized that it's almost time for me to leave for africa and i kinda let myself freak out a little bit. right now the countdown is at 17 days which seems like a lot of time--but i feel like i still have so much to do and so much to get ready...

so, anxious is the word i use to describe how i've been feeling, that irritating tugging feeling on my heart. okay it's only half irritating. i've also been feeling the good kind of anxious--like i can't wait to be in tanzania/kenya!!

i love the word anxious for it's duality! yeah, i love words and yes, i'm aware that i'm a nerd. so, of course, i had to do a little "research" into the definition by taking a trip to dictionary.com. :) we all know it's basic 2-prong definition: 1: uneasiness because of fear or danger or misfortune, greatly worried...2: earnestly desirous; eager. BUT what i found out about it's origins was most interesting! it comes from the latin anxius (worried, distressed) which is a derivitive of angere--to STRANGLE, pain, or distress.

i'm sure by now you're wondering why i have gotten so excited about the fact that it derives from a verb which means to strangle. my anxiety lately has been strangling God, His power and His ability to work in my life!!! what an idiot i have been. my anxiety mainly stems from the fact that i leave in 17 days and still have about $1000 to raise for this trip to be a possibility! i also have a few bills i need to figure out how to pay while i am gone and have an expensive dental appointment to take care of--and just the normal getting everything together/packing/spending time with those i love, blah blah blah. i have been telling myself that it will all be fine, don't worry about it, nicole. put it all in God's hands and pray, pray, pray... i have been praying but i don't know how faithful i have been in giving it to God and completely giving it to God, thus relinquishing my anxiety. i don't want to strangle or choke God, i want Him to blow me away with His providence, peace, and power. why is it so hard for us to just rest in God's hands? i want to be dependent on God and NOT on myself and what i think i can do!!

right now, as i type, i am relinquishing my anxiety--casting my cares upon Him!!!!!!!! i know this is where God wants me to be and HE will get me there even if it's not clear cut to me, i have to trust Him..fully. He will give me peace!

so i will pray pray pray and trust and NOT be anxious and would ask for you to do the same!!!

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." ~philippians 4: 6-7~

my heart is full...

2009-03-30T06:30:00.005-05:00

"Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy..." ~Isaiah 60:5a~

i love this particular scripture... and in the context of isaiah, this verse describes how the people will feel when zion is restored, and the glory of Lord is upon them. now, if you know me fairly well, you know that i am a slightly "emotional" person and this describes perfectly how i feel sometimes. especially now. my heart throbs and swells when i experience God and right now, though sleep deprived, i am exceptionally joyful. (it also reminds me of my kindred spirit, john wesley, when he felt his heart "strangely warmed.")

i am so happy. however, my happiness lies not in what i have gained or in a tangible object but in the overwhelming ways i see God at work in the world, at work in my friends, and at work in my own heart. there have been times in my not so far away past when i would pray for God to remove from me my heart of flesh--but, i am thankful for the heart of flesh which lies in my chest. i would not be me if i had a heart of stone, even though it might lessen my pain at times. i want my heart to break with the things that break the heart of God.

i currently have two of my most dear friends serving as missionaries in africa and another friend/co-worker is at the airport as i type on her way to africa as well. this brings me such great joy, and even more joy as i have begun preparing to leave for africa in june. i would ask anyone who reads this to please keep my friends (holly, jenny, and brittni) as well as myself in your prayers that we might be used for the glory of God, that there might be less of us and more of HIM.

i pray that God might continue to soften my heart and mold me into a vessel of His divine love, so that i might be able to share the joy of a swollen heart!

A joyful heart is the inevitable result of a heart burning with love. ~mother teresa~

2009-03-22T01:07:00.003-05:00

well, i have finally joined the wonderful world of blogging...more to come! dun dun dun!! :)